The Trials of Seven
by ChocolateEclar
Summary: (Probably 1st Archer's Goon fanfic ever) Have you ever wondered what Archer & his younger siblings were like as kids? Or why their parents kicked them out of their house? Or where they came from for that matter? Includes what happened after AG.
1. Banished

> > **The Trials of Seven**
>> 
>> _By: ChocolateEclar_
>> 
>> Disclaimer: Regrettably, I do not own, nor am I receiving any profit from, the story this fanfic is based on. The Great Diana Wynne Jones has the pleasure of owning _Archer's Goon_.
>> 
>> Claimer: I simply own the plot and my personification of Archer, Shine, Dillian, Hathaway, Torquil, Erskine, and Venturus's parents, Matri and Agustivo Destinatus and their home planet, Caliga.
>> 
>> **Full Summary:** Have you ever wondered what Archer & his younger siblings were like as kids? Or why their parents kicked them out of their house? Or where they came from for that matter? (Later will tell what happened to Howard Sykes after _Archer's Goon_.)
>> 
>> A/N: I came up with this story February of 2003 after rereading _Archer's Goon_. Since then, it has sat in my computer, waiting to be completed. Now, over a year later, I found it and am rereading _Archer's Goon_…again. I hope you all enjoy this and see the little bits I put in to show just how the seven siblings became what they are today.
>> 
>> A/N 2: This is, as far as I know, the first AG fanfic on fanfiction.net. I hope this lives up to the designation. -
>> 
>> **Author's Note**
>> 
>> _This book will prove the following eight facts:_
>> 
>> 1. What goes up, must come down in a blaze of wizardly rage.
>> 
>> 2. When wizard parents decide they have had it with their children, they exile them to far off planets.
>> 
>> 3. When seven wizards clash, the results are several explosions.
>> 
>> 4. Young wizards have short attention spans.
>> 
>> 5. It's difficult to trick the same person twice.
>> 
>> 6. Even four against three isn't fair to the four.
>> 
>> 7. A Goon not only melts into a foreground, he also tends to appear on one's doorstep unexpectedly.
>> 
>> 8. Word power really is what counts in the end no matter the situation.
>> 
>> **_Chapter 1: Banished_**
>> 
>> Little Venturus made a long scrawling line with his pencil on a piece of blue paper. He was sitting at the kitchen table, while several crayons were lying on the wooden tabletop beside the stacks of doodles of spaceships. He looked up at the sound of his mother quarrelling with Hathaway. It was nothing new though, and soon the youngest member of the family returned to his drawing.
>> 
>> In the downstairs bathroom, Dillian was curling her golden locks before applying rouge to her lips and cheeks. She looked far too pretty and young. Erskine noted this to his elder sister as she vacated the lavatory. Dillian's face went blank with rage as she chucked a packet of curlers at her sibling. Erskine, who was already far taller than any of the others, couldn't move his whole body in time, and the packet bounced off his torso. Dillian sulked away, her flaxen hair bobbing in ringlets.
>> 
>> Torquil was strumming away at his violin upstairs, the gentle notes nearly drowned out by their mother's screeches. Hathaway's green eyes were dancing with mirth at his mother's antics, and he shrugged at her latest retort. This seemed to anger her even more for she proceeded to snarl further comments.
>> 
>> Venturus, who was already deaf to the clamor at the young age of five, had collected his treasured crayons and drawings and was now treading up the staircase; he went past Torquil's closed door and into the room he had to himself. While Torquil and Erskine shared one room, the youngest child had a room to himself. The only females of the seven siblings, Shine and Dillian, had shared a room a few years before but now had moved out of the house as had Archer and Hathaway before them. They had also shared a bedroom.
>> 
>> Venturus' room had been a storage room before the tot was born. It was the smallest room in the house and filled with models of spaceships and his doodles. Shine and Dillian were glad to have gone – for when living together they had constantly been at each other's throats, loathing splitting a room. They were quite the opposites. Dillian a pretty girly-girl, and Shine already a hooligan in the beginning of her young adult years.
>> 
>> Shine was absent from the house at the moment. After he had finished practicing, Torquil voiced his suspicion that she was probably out vandalizing a library or mugging an old lady to which their father firmly disagreed. "You're delusional," Torquil snapped, cocking his eyebrow at his father.
>> 
>> Dillian was now in her old room rearranging the furniture for old times sake with an expert flick of her wrist. She wasn't as good as Archer at what he called 'shifting matter,' but he used his abilities for machinery and the like, while she preferred to use them for fashion. Both utilized them to bend human wills to their own purposes, though it would be some time before they all would begin their "world farming" campaign.
>> 
>> Archer appeared for dinner that evening some time later, looking spruce even in a pair of overalls. His blue eyes didn't widen in surprise at the thought that Shine had vanished like their father's had, nor did he talk about anything but his "Project." He was obviously excited about it for every once and awhile the lights would brighten and the stove would spark.
>> 
>> Venturus, whose thoughts were wandering the cosmos in a spaceship, was yanked back into reality by the mentioning of the "Project." He looked curiously at the five siblings present and his parents. That was when Shine decided to make an appearance.
>> 
>> She was still fairly thin at this stage in her life. But was nevertheless adorned in black leather that consisted of a short skirt and a tight tank top. Her dark hair had been greased back and her lips painted black. She smirked at the muffled cry of her mother who had glimpsed the raven-black panther tattoo clawing up her shoulder. It looked fairly new, still red and quite swollen. Shine laughed and sat down at the dinner table, her eyes glinting.
>> 
>> Being High Councilman and Councilwoman, Agustivo and Matri Destinatus were naturally very resolute, and the sight of their eldest daughter in such a state made the air quiver with their fury. The lights flickered, and faint sparks danced along the floor. "I specifically told you, you couldn't have a tattoo, Shine," said Matri, her voice icy.
>> 
>> "Oh come on, _Mother_," said Shine, her grin widening. "You have one two, I got the idea from yours after all. Besides, I'm an adult. You can't boss me around!"
>> 
>> "_Urgh!_" shrieked Matri. "I got mine before I realized how stupid it was to get one! I was even younger than you are now!"
>> 
>> Venturus glanced from his mother to Shine, and then to his other siblings. They were tense as if they knew something bad was going to happen. He turned to his father who appeared to be thoroughly infuriated.
>> 
>> Matri had a tendency to pucker her lips when she was ready to destroy something. Her rages were worse then Archer's, and Venturus hid under the table. Sure enough, the light fixture above them exploded sending glass, bits of metal, and sparks flying. Everyone but Shine, Agustivo, and Matri winced. Venturus, who was shivering by Erskine's huge foot by then, let out a wail. From his seat, Hathaway lowered his head down under the table so that he was looking at Venturus. "It's alright, Ven," he whispered, patting the boy on his arm. "Mum'll forgive Shine – _this time anyway _– don't worry."
>> 
>> Venturus nodded, his fair hair brushing into his eyes. Hathaway and Erskine were the only ones of Venturus' brothers and sisters who had patience with the child. Even Torquil, who was only a few years older than Erskine, didn't tolerate Venturus. Perhaps if Torquil, Archer, Shine, and Dillian had, then Venturus wouldn't have turned out as spoiled and manipulative as his elder siblings.
>> 
>> "Get out of my sight!" Agustivo was screeching at Shine by then. "I never want to see you like that again or I'll exile you! _I swear it!_"
>> 
>> Venturus trembled again. He didn't know quite what his father meant by 'exile' but it sounded bad to the boy, so he feared it.
>> 
>> * * *
>> 
>> Later that night Venturus lay in bed wondering why they all seemed to hate each other. Torquil yelled at him when he followed him and Erskine around. Erskine would simply yell at Torquil to leave Venturus alone – to which Torquil would flare up in one of his mood swings. He didn't rage as badly as Archer though, which Venturus was certainly glad of.
>> 
>> Torquil called Venturus a limpet of all things. Venturus frowned at that. _Mummy **told** them to watch me! _he insisted to himself. He glanced at the older pictures of spaceships he had drawn that Erskine had hung up for him and smiled. _Someday I'll build my own spaceship! One just like the one in my fav'rite picture! It'll be big and cool lookin',_ he thought. As sleep continued to evade the boy, he decided to tiptoe downstairs and look for something to do.
>> 
>> * * *
>> 
>> As he tiptoed past the bookcase in the front hallway, a book bound with brown leather caught his eye. Venturus grabbed it and realized it was the old photo album of them when everything had been more jovial. It had been stained when Shine had dropped mud on it when she was eight.
>> 
>> The first page had a picture of all nine of them. Venturus was a tiny baby in his mother's arms, while Matri stood in-between Agustivo and towering Erskine. On Erskine's right were Archer, Hathaway, and Torquil and on Agustivo's left was Shine and Dillian who had been forced to wear identical azure dresses. They all appeared to be happy, a moment frozen in time.
>> 
>> Venturus flipped to the next page and saw a picture of Torquil playing his violin and one of Archer using his chemistry set. Some of the vials were suspended in mid-air. Another image was of Erskine holding him as a baby and one more with Dillian in a long flowing pink gown performing in a play on a wooden stage. There was another with Hathaway and Torquil frowning at each other with Dillian and Shine pulling each other's hair in the background. It wasn't exactly a happy picture, but it was still unique.
>> 
>> The last picture was of Archer, as a small child, standing in front of their parents who were in their full formal High Union of Caliga attire. The clothes consisted of a golden sash with a cerulean suit underneath and a golden cylinder-like headdress with three red jewels in the center. Venturus had rarely seen these outfits. Beaming, he laughed at how silly his parents looked in their odd hats. Archer looked more normal as a child. He still had a bit of baby fat and wasn't abnormally attractive like he and the other eldest siblings were now.
>> 
>> Venturus yawned then, patting his mouth and setting the book back in the bookcase. He then walked up the stairs and plopped down on his bed. He was asleep in seconds.
>> 
>> * * *
>> 
>> The next day an argument broke out between two out of the three remaining children still living in the house in the kitchen. "Stop following me!" howled Torquil.
>> 
>> "Mummy told ya ta watch me!" Venturus whined.
>> 
>> "Well then go have Erskine watch you!"
>> 
>> "But he's drooling over Archer's new girlfriend!"
>> 
>> "Shud up!" hollered Erskine from the living room.
>> 
>> "Oh shut up to you too!" shrieked Torquil before turning back to Venturus. "Now go away, _limpet_!"
>> 
>> Venturus stuck out his tongue and yelled, grinning slightly, "**_MUM!_**"
>> 
>> Torquil gasped in horror. "You little –"
>> 
>> A clap of thunder rang through the kitchen and Torquil rapidly clamped his mouth shut. Venturus beamed innocently at Torquil who silently slide his index finger across his neck menacingly. The message was received loud and clear. _You are **so** dead._
>> 
>> * * *
>> 
>> For the following few years, Venturus exploited Torquil and Erskine to the point where even Erskine looked a bit peeved. He didn't threaten his little brother like Torquil did though, which put him up highly on Venturus' list of people easily manipulated. Matri and Agustivo were trying to ignore the fact that their precious seventh child was getting spoiled and as badly as his senior siblings.
>> 
>> By then Archer was a member of the High Union, and Dillian was forming all-female clubs that totally adored her to the point of piety. As for Hathaway, he was trying to prefect his abilities and to learn how to create a trans-epoch portal. He was sure there was a way to travel to the past and future and back. He studied charts and timelines and looked over other peoples' failed attempts. It would be years before he actually succeeded.
>> 
>> Shine had formed her own gang that consisted of a couple hundred minions. She was already starting to get plumper, stretching her tattoo so that it was barely recognizable as a panther. She hadn't visited the rest of the family since that day when she had shown up with the fresh tattoo.
>> 
>> Torquil was learning how to play the piano and tended to pick very intentional times to practice like when his mother was about to scream at him for leaving his room in disarray. Instead she would smile at his musical achievements and leave him to his practicing.
>> 
>> Erskine tended to play with Venturus, keeping the youngest out of trouble as much as possible. It didn't always work though. "I don't wanna play that anymore!" Venturus would yowl.
>> 
>> "**_WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!_**"****The sound would ring out so loud that Torquil would come storming from practicing his piano in the living room and into the backyard where Erskine and Venturus where.
>> 
>> "**_Venturus, you'd better shut your darn mouth right now or I'll box your ears, you little beast!_**"****screeched Torquil. Venturus would close his mouth instantly and cover his ears with his palms. Only Torquil could control the youngest of the seven.
>> 
>> A few minutes later the gentle sound of "Amazing Grace" filtered outside from the living room. It was Torquil's favorite Earth tune.
>> 
>> * * *
>> 
>> Venturus peered around at his family in silence. He was eighteen and adorned in a padded leather jacket and blue jeans, his hair flaxen and longish. He was about as tall as Erskine to his amusement but more properly proportioned. Archer, who was actually in a blue suit, was talking with Agustivo. They looked quite alike for Archer had his father's dark hair and blue eyes. Archer's eyes were bluer though.
>> 
>> Venturus looked more like Matri who had emerald green eyes and fair tresses. Dillian looked quite like Matri as well, but her locks were more wavy and a brighter gold. She looked ethereal in a fairytale princess gown. It was pink and puffy, and she had a sparkling necklace, tiny tiara, and a bracelet to complete the ensemble.
>> 
>> Beside her was Torquil who seemed to be trying to be "King of the Jungle." He had imitation leopard skin pants, a loose green shirt, and a jaguar medallion on a leather cord around his neck. His eyes were outlined in red and his dark curls were flattened out into straight strips. Venturus had to choke out a laugh at the sight of Torquil who heard and shot him a dark glare.
>> 
>> Venturus abruptly looked away, spotting Hathaway who was chatting with Erskine. Hathaway was beginning to grow a ginger beard and Erskine was looking more huge and goon-like than ever. He towered over everyone else. His small head was high up even though he was sitting and was toped with a bit of fair hair.
>> 
>> Venturus started, with mild surprise, at the sight of Shine, leaning against the neat white fence surrounding the yard. She was vast in her usual black leather that creaked when she shifted her weight and glowered at Venturus. Venturus grinned cheekily and ducked as one of his mother's flowerpots went flying at his head from out of nowhere. The others turned and finally noticed Shine. Matri and Agustivo frowned slightly, and the six siblings smirked.
>> 
>> Venturus picked broken pottery out of his yellow tresses and straightened up. "Nice to see you too, sis," he said, chuckling.
>> 
>> Shine sent a wave of bitter force at his mind causing the youngest to wince faintly. He countered it, as only the seventh child could, with a firm position of mind. Shine's frown deepened, and the press on Venturus lifted. He grinned again, and Shine stepped forward. Her leather groaned as she walked.
>> 
>> A family row was coming. Venturus could feel it in the very air. His mother and father hated when they tried to use their powers on each other, and they were going to have to because lines of loyalty had been drawn among the seven.
>> 
>> * * *
>> 
>> A gunshot rang out, but no one in the neighborhood flinched or looked about wonderingly. It was a normal enough occurrence among families there, and the family at the end of the block was no exception.
>> 
>> Several angry cries, sounds of breaking ceramic and glass, and a clap of thunder followed the shot. Sparks flashed across the street, and another clap of thunder resonated. Lightning lit up the sky.
>> 
>> In the backyard of the mansion on the corner of the road, a woman with golden curls was screeching at a teenage boy with lighter blonde hair. Sparks were flying from the electric blue eyes of a man with dark tresses who was shouting at both of the others.
>> 
>> An overweight woman with dark hair was aiming a gun at an older couple and a huge man with a tiny head and fair hair. After awhile, the man tried to wrestle the gun from the woman's grasp, and she pulled the trigger, narrowly missing the man.
>> 
>> Meanwhile two men, one with dark hair and safari-like attire and the other with fair hair, green eyes and a carroty beard, were arguing passionately. The grass beneath their feet was on fire, and the nearby hedges were scorched.
>> 
>> The elder couple stared on as the other seven fought for a while longer. Soon the seven were all yelling at each other and the oldest woman, one of the duet, screamed over the others shouts, "_STOP IT!_ **_STOP IT NOW!_**"
>> 
>> The silence was thick and heavy as the seven turned to their mother. "We've had enough with all of you," said their father, Agustivo, in a frighteningly calm voice. It meant the worst was about to happen and the Destinatus' children tensed. "You _all_ will be exiled immediately. It is our right as your parents."
>> 
>> **_"WHAAAAAT?"_** screeched seven voices at once.
>> 
>> "You-You can't do that to _me_!" yelled the man with the electric blue eyes, Archer.
>> 
>> "_Why not, Archer, dear?_" inquired his mother, Matri. She too now was terrifyingly calm, but her voice was strained in a tight choked way, and she was puckering her lips.
>> 
>> Venturus glanced at his siblings. They wouldn't exile all of them, right? After all, _he_ was their precious seventh child. As if he had read Venturus' mind, Agustivo said, "_All_ of you will never be allowed in Caliga again."
>> 
>> "But why, Daddy?" queried Dillian in her most saccharine voice.
>> 
>> "You will realize why someday, I hope," replied Agustivo.
>> 
>> "_So you're going to exiled us like common brats?_" demanded Torquil in one of his moods.
>> 
>> _From one extreme to the other,_ thought Venturus numbly. _Next he'll be depressed._
>> 
>> Torquil didn't disappoint Venturus for as Agustivo answered a great distraught expression weighed down on Torquil's face. "You may all be more highly gifted than normal, but that doesn't mean you have to act like real brats."
>> 
>> Shine fired her gun up at the overcast sky. "Urgh! You can't do this to me! Me and my gang'll kill all of ya!" she howled.
>> 
>> "AGUSTIVO, LET'S DO THIS NOW!" screamed Matri.
>> 
>> Agustivo nodded. "Whether it was our fault or yours that you all ended up this way, I don't know, but now I don't care either," said Agustivo to the seven.
>> 
>> All seven were looking like they had swallowed an orange pit. Hathaway and Erskine had said nothing – too dismayed for words. All were pale and ill looking. A musty feeling gathered in the air as their parents gathered the strength to send them across space.
>> 
>> Little did they know they what would happen to them in the years to come.
>> 
>> * * *
>> 
>> A/N: Next chapter: Howard! Awful! Quentin! Catriona! Expect all of them to appear.
>> 
>> A/N 2: REVIEW! Please? Por favor? I need to know what you think of this! Bye!


	2. Recovery

> **The Trials of Seven**
> 
> _By: ChocolateEclar_
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own, nor am I receiving any profit from, the story this fanfic is based on. The Great Diana Wynne Jones has the pleasure of owning _Archer's Goon_.
> 
> Claimer: I simply own the plot and my personification of Archer, Shine, Dillian, Hathaway, Torquil, Erskine, and Venturus's parents, Matri and Agustivo Destinatus and their home planet, Caliga.
> 
> **To passivor:** Thank you very much! Technically, I wrote the first chapter and most of the second last year, but as I've been rereading Archer's Goon again, I've noticed I really was paying attention to detail. Now, I just have to replicate that detail throughout.
> 
> **To MaidM:** Egg salad job? Huh? Is that a good thing?
> 
> I'm glad you like the idea of _Archer's Goon_ fanfiction. I thought it would add more flavor to the DWJ section on fanfiction.net – not to mention give me good practice. I've always loved _Archer's Goon_ and how DWJ never outright states "what" the seven wizard siblings are – just that they're not from here.
> 
> Yes, I love writing about "Ickle!Venturus." As one of the main characters, Howard has always been my favorite of the seven because he's so real. He's just trying to outdo his older siblings. I am the older of two sisters, but I can still relate to wanting to be superior to others. Ickle!Venturus doesn't really appear in this chapter, but expect him in the future. Thanks for the review!
> 
> **_Chapter 2: Recovery_**
> 
> Howard Sykes frowned at his younger sister, Awful, who was cursing several schoolboys of her own age. It was a relatively familiar scene, and one Howard refused to involve himself in ever again. If Awful wanted to anger a bunch of boys, then so be it. As long as Awful didn't do anything too serious, then he would leave her be.
> 
> Howard, without realizing he was, melted into the wall across the street from Awful's school where he had been standing. He looked down at himself, which was rather difficult when you're a part of a brick wall, and realized his whole body was covered in brick-like lines. He couldn't help but grin slightly. A memory returned of him as a little Venturus becoming part of his mother's flower garden to escape a thrashing from Torquil. He had made fun of Torquil's piano playing, which was a sensitive spot indeed.
> 
> Howard waited for Awful to stroll away triumphantly from the boys. By then, Howard had removed himself from the wall with quite a bit of effort and was stepping towards Awful who doubled over in laughter at the sight of him.
> 
> "_What?_" asked Howard irately.
> 
> "Y-Your face!" Awful choked out in between laughs.
> 
> Howard looked at his face in the window of a tailor shop and grinned. It did look odd having a forehead with a brick pattern on it. He scrunched up his nose in concentration, and the pattern vanished thankfully. His powers were improving as his fourteenth birthday approached, as were his memories of being Venturus.
> 
> The recollection of his parents exiling them all was a bit painful. They _had_ been brats. The power had gone right to all of their heads and, as Erskine had said, he had been a worse kid than Awful. _I was a spoiled brat,_ Howard thought glumly. _I swear I won't be like that again though._ He watched Awful out of the corner of his eye as they walked home together. He had felt like walking with her today and now wished he hadn't. It had brought too many raw memories.
> 
> Howard sighed. Erskine had been gone for a few months, and Torquil had visited Hathaway and returned saying someday he would stay with Hathaway and never return, but until then he would visit the past as often as possible.
> 
> As far as Howard knew, his spaceship had pulled through and gotten rid of the elder three, Fifi, and three of Shine's men. Then again, he supposed he would probably know if it hadn't. He had designed the ship after all. Howard still felt a bit like he wasn't Venturus, and he was glad for it. As Howard, he had only drawn spaceships on paper and dreamed of building them. As Venturus, he had programmed robots to make a real spaceship for him. Now the spaceship was gone, taking Archer, Dillian, and Shine with it to the younger fours' relief.
> 
> Howard glanced at Awful who was kicking stones across the sidewalk as they ambled home. He was determined to keep her from becoming like Shine. He owed that to Quentin and Catriona for adopting him twice after all. (Not even money could pay for all the trouble he had caused them.) As for Quentin, he was still teaching at the Polytechnic and was working furiously on an idea for a book he had recently come up with, while Catriona was still a music teacher.
> 
> Thinking of the adoption made him think of his real parents. Were Matri and Agustivo still alive? Probably. Did they regret exiling the seven? Probably not. Howard didn't dwell too much on it though. They would never be welcome on their home planet ever again.
> 
> As he realized this, Howard began to regain memories of how it had been like when they had first reached Earth.
> 
> * * *
> 
> Life had been harsh for the seven Destinatus siblings after they had been exiled to Earth. Well, as harsh as life can be when you are a wizard on a strange new world. Venturus, who had had less time to use his powers beforehand for transportation than the others, was the only sibling to land flat on his back. Even Dillian landed gracefully on her high heals.
> 
> "Well," she said with a sniff. "That was certainly cruel." They were standing in a field with a town off in the distance.
> 
> "Cruel doesn't begin to describe it, Dillian," Archer snapped.
> 
> "_Oh speak for yourself!_" roared Torquil. "We knew this would happen someday! Mother and Father are jealous of us!"
> 
> Climbing to his feet, Venturus brushed off his padded jacket. "This isn't my fault you know. I'm too young to have done anything," he claimed.
> 
> "You little beast! This _is_ so your fault!" hollered Torquil.
> 
> "Yes!" agreed Dillian. "You're the one who was still living with Mother and Father!"
> 
> "Enough! This isn't the time!" shouted Hathaway. His green eyes glinted dangerously. "_What have I done to deserve such rotten siblings?_"
> 
> "_Rotten siblings?_" repeated Torquil. "_Rotten siblings? You're as bad as Venturus! You're as much to blame as us!_"
> 
> "**_Shud up!_**" growled Erskine. He advanced towards them, towering above them. "No use arguing. Just need to deal with being exiled."
> 
> "Ah, a man of few words," mumbled Torquil.
> 
> "Don't you dare order _me_ to shut up, _darling_!" yelled Dillian. And the fighting began again.
> 
> * * *
> 
> Howard sighed. _We give "dysfunctional family" a new meaning,_ he thought dryly. They were so different from the Sykes family. It felt good to be a part of such normalcy after being in kindred with wizardly aliens.
> 
> Howard smiled as Awful and him walked down their own street. Perfect normalcy. _No screams or explosions here, _he thought. They reached 10 Upper Park Street. Awful skipped through the front door, as Howard opened it, and into the kitchen. Thankfully, it was Goon-free. As much as Howard wouldn't have minded seeing his brother, Erskine tended to be too large for any one room.
> 
> It made him think of hide-and-seek when he was younger…the first time. Even if Erskine used his powers, it was still easy to find him.
> 
> Howard shook his head to keep the thoughts from surfacing too much. It felt like they did that too often, clouding his mind. It made it hard to concentrate on schoolwork, which he decided to do right before dinner. Catriona wasn't home yet, and Quentin was in the front room with Awful, shouting at the television.
> 
> Howard pulled his mathematics homework out of his new bag of books. At the end of the last school year it had been decided that taping the old one Erskine had sliced just would not due anymore. Thinking about the bag made Howard's mind slip again – this time back to the day "the Goon" had appeared in that very kitchen. Groaning, Howard turned his attention back to his homework and began to work out and scribble answers.
> 
> It was about a half an hour later that Catriona Sykes arrived, pinching the bridge of her nose against a headache. Howard had already started a pot of coffee for her and quickly stood and poured a cup out. Catriona took the cup with one hand and breathed in its scent before sipping at it. Slowly opening her eyes, she asked, "How was school?"
> 
> Shrugging, Howard sat down by his homework – across from her. "The usual," he replied.
> 
> "You had better practice your violin tonight," said Catriona.
> 
> She never treated Howard differently. It made him pleased to know that life in the Sykes family could still go on even knowing he wasn't normal in any way.
> 
> "_You cheated!_" came a shriek from the front room.
> 
> "_I did not, Awful!_" Quentin yelled back.
> 
> Both Catriona and Howard sighed and grinned. Howard wasn't the only abnormal one.
> 
> * * *
> 
> A/N: Next chapter: expect one of the other siblings to make an appearance! Anyone want to make a guess? Hehe.
> 
> A/N 2: Remember: Please, please, please REVIEW!


	3. Travels & Tantrums

**The Trials of Seven**

_By: ChocolateEclar_

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor am I receiving any profit from, the story this fanfic is based on. The Great Diana Wynne Jones has the pleasure of owning _Archer's Goon_.

Claimer: I simply own the plot and my personification of Archer, Shine, Dillian, Hathaway, Torquil, Erskine, and Venturus's parents, Matri and Agustivo Destinatus and their home planet, Caliga.

**To passivor:** Can you please be more specific about the spelling? I use Spell Check quite often so my mistakes are more often grammatical than spelling. (It's just much easier to improve when you point out an error, you see. I won't take offense as long as you're polite about it.) Thanks for another review! It's definitely appreciated.

**To Calcifersgrl:** I hope I depict the characters properly. I even reread the book again before finally posting this story. I'm glad you like this so far. Thanks for reviewing!

**To MaidM:** I see what you mean. One of my friends and I love speaking in British accents. - I'm pleased you enjoyed the last line. There are many versions of weird people. _(laughs) _Thanks again!

**To Kim: **I know what you mean about questions. I remember when I read AG the first time… Boy, did I ever have questions! One being: What exactly are the seven? -

Ah, I've never thought of this like that, but I _am_ writing in a "prequel/sequel format," as you put it. Thanks a bunch for the review!

**_Chapter 3: Travels & Tantrums_**

"_Ven!_ Listen –"

"_No!_" snapped Venturus, a little taller than Hathaway. "You listen to me! You don't know what it's like being the youngest of all of you! Always hearing the whispers at school! _I can't get out of all of your shadows!_"

_"Hey, isn't that Archer's little brother?"_

_"Couldn't be. He's not good enough looking."_

_"Oh, but he is. Didn't you hear…?"_

"I may not be the youngest," Hathaway hissed. "But I am the middle child. I know how you feel!"

"You're lying!"

_"Look at him. Trying to be like Dillian with all that pomp."_

"Venturus! _Don't you get it?_" Hathaway yelled. "We're all in the same boat – the younger four. All in someone's shadow!"

Venturus let out a sound between a snarl and a grunt and stormed off.

_"Little Venturus is sulking! How funny!"_

_"Isn't it now?"_

_"Why can't he be more like Archer? Both are such technology buffs, but Venturus is such a little copycat. Does nothing original."_

_"I have to agree."_

_"Lunch anyone?"_

_"Certainly."_

They, a group of upperclassmen – mostly girls – called _the Regalis_, talked about Venturus at school as if he were as interesting as their meals… Venturus arrived, fuming, in his bedroom, which was littered with drawings of spaceships and other inventions – some stolen from Archer. He kicked over his nightstand, shattering the blue, glass lamp resting on top.

_"Look at that height!"_

_"He'll be as tall as his brother Erskine."_

_"Do you think he'll be just as stupid?"_

_"Probably."_

_"I heard he's like Archer – a real techno whiz."_

_"Really? He doesn't look it."_

"**_AHHHHH!_**" roared Venturus, chucking the broken lamp out his open window, through the screen, and out onto the front lawn below.

A great amount of swearing came from under his window, but he ignored it, flopping on his stomach on his bed. A few moments later, a thump of footsteps on the staircase and then –

"Venturus…"

"Er-kind," came a response, muffled by a pillow.

"What was that for?" sighed Erskine.

"_Ask Hathaway_," grumbled Venturus, shifting his head to the side so his face wasn't stifled any longer.

"Asking you," replied Erskine.

"Erskine…" Venturus groaned. "Not now…"

"Not leaving 'til you tell me," Erskine responded.

Venturus swore and jumped off his bed and at his brother. Before Venturus could hit him or shove him out the door though, Erskine had snatched him by his wrist. He flipped Venturus so his back was pressed against him and twisted Venturus's arm behind his back.

"Leggo," Venturus hissed, calling Erskine the foulest name he could think of. He struggled to free his arm before digging his foot into Erskine's.

"Nice try," said Erskine, smirking. He just yanked Venturus up higher so his feet dangled farther off the ground.

"You really are a damn gorilla, Erskine," Venturus growled.

"Gonna tell?"

"_No!_"

Erskine tightened his grip on Venturus's wrist, causing a strangled yelp to emit from the younger. "_Fine!_ I'll tell you!" Venturus screamed. "_Even though it's none of your damn business_," he added in a sharp, low voice.

Erskine immediately let go of his younger brother and shoved him away. Venturus glared at Erskine before sitting down on the edge of his bed. "I was just quarreling with Hathaway."

"And?"

"_And_ I hate being the youngest, got it?" mumbled Venturus.

Erskine raised one eyebrow.

"Yeah, yeah, _I know_," grumbled Venturus. _And! And_ I couldn't take Hathaway's harping on me to be a good boy and listen to him!"

"Threw out the lamp?"

"Because I already broke it and I wanted to get rid of it," said Venturus.

"On my head."

"Yeah…" muttered Venturus with a slight grin. "Sorry 'bout that."

Shrugging, Erskine sat across from Venturus on the metal chair for Venturus's desk. "Feel better?" he asked.

Venturus let out a laugh. "Yeah," he answered. "I guess I do. Nice job, you gorilla."

Erskine chuckled. "Worked though. Gonna apologize to Hathaway?"

Venturus groaned and murmured, "Might."

"Better," threatened Erskine.

Venturus grimaced and let out another little groan, hanging his head.

* * *

Although he had always been quite close to Erskine, being near in age to him, Howard still found he liked Hathaway next and nearly as much. Hathaway you could be rather frank with and not worry about what he would tell the other five or their parents.

The more Howard thought about it, the more he realized Hathaway was the one always looking after him and Torquil and Erskine. It was also what made Torquil so angry with him sometimes. Torquil had never felt like he needed to be watched and protected.

Howard cringed at the thought of how he, as Venturus, had definitely abused that protection by using it against a boy in school that had always annoyed him. Like Awful had done with the group of girls, he had used Hathaway to selfishly defend himself. It made Howard feel terrible. He refused to be like that this time. He hated Venturus.

It hurt to think such a thought though. _I am Venturus!_ he thought crossly as he walked home from school. _But at the same time,_ he added as he glanced up at a building, _I'm not._ It was the cathedral. Torquil had to be there, sitting alone in the side chapel if he was in a miserable mood, practicing with the choir or something music related if he wasn't.

The Venturus in Howard couldn't resist the chance to visit a relative he actually could _stand_, and soon, he found himself standing in front of the locked cathedral door. He didn't use a knife like Erskine though. He simply pictured the mechanism of a lock in his head and worked one of the gears.

_Click!_ The door went inwards at Howard's push. Everything was quite calm inside. No verger bustling up to him this time. Howard shuffled between the chairs and towards the side chapel. Torquil was not inside so he bustled towards the vestry. He smirked as he peered around the doorway to see Torquil examining the cupboard full of priest robes and his costumes. Torquil himself was in his cassock with his dark curls coiling around his ears.

"Strange wardrobe," Howard remarked matter-of-factly with a grin.

Torquil didn't even turn. "I can reassure you I will never wear any jungle attire ever again," he replied.

Chuckling, Howard stepped inside the room and sat on the old pew. He was acting like Venturus. He grimaced and became more polite. "How're you?" he asked.

"Better than I've felt in ages," Torquil answered. He pulled out a wide poncho with red, yellow, and green designs along the bottom and a broad _sombrero_. He slipped off his robe and tugged the blanket-like cloak over the black shirt he had on underneath. Howard laughed at the hat.

"No comments from the peanut gallery, limpet," hissed Torquil, analyzing himself in the mirror. "Now," said Torquil, turning around, "is this a cordial visit or do you want something, little brother?"

"I don't want anything," insisted Howard. "I just needed to see one of you." He laughed. "After all that's happened, I don't think I'll ever want to be away so long from you guys again." He meant it too. It felt right to be with his siblings, keeping each other company.

Nodding, Torquil sat across from Howard and said, "It's good to see you too, limpet."

Howard grinned slightly at the name. Torquil would probably call him that forever.

* * *

Awful, when Howard arrived home, was howling on the kitchen floor. Apparently, she was being made to practice the piano. Howard strolled right past her and out into the front hall. He'd heard worst wails in the past…from himself.

_"Worse kid than Awful, Venturus."_

Scowling, Howard stepped up the stairs and into his bedroom. He tipped the contents of his bag onto his bed and turned to his dresser. Sitting atop it was a postcard with a messy scrawl the back addressed to him. There was a blob before "Howard" that looked suspiciously like a crossed out "Vent". It could only be one person then.

Sure enough, when Howard split open the top of the envelope with his finger and pulled out a postcard, he could see Erskine's untidy signature at the bottom of back of the paper. Howard studied the postcard's front. It was a picture of a fountain of a woman on a chariot-like device with two lions pulling it. In medium blue cursive writing it read: _Madrid_. Under, in smaller letters, it stated: _Cibeles. _

On the back of the postcard, Erskine wrote just like he spoke:

**_Howard,_**

**_In Madrid right now. Nice here. May stay for a week. Then going to Valencia. Hear good beaches there._**

Howard paused to picture Erskine walking out onto sand and the beach-goers running from him, leaving their towels and bags in the panic. He grinned and read on:

**_How are you and the Sykes? Awful causing trouble? Keeping her out of it?_**

**_See you, Little Venturus_**

****

**_Erskine_**

Howard reread the letter before setting it back down. He couldn't write to Erskine without an address, and he didn't know what to say anyway. He decided to practice his violin willingly to clear his thoughts.

* * *

Half a month later, a postcard came from Valencia ("Big city. Good food…") and then Morocco ("Went to Tangier and Casablanca…"). Howard decided to keep the postcards in a shoebox under his bed labeled: _Erskine's Postcards_.

When Erskine started sending Howard bigger things – like a wooden, African religious ritual mask – he took a bigger cardboard box from a rubbish bin and branded it: _Erskine's Souvenirs_. The box was just small enough to fit under his bed. The mask had three small holes for eyes and mouth and a little bulge in between the eyeholes for a pretend nose. Shells where hanging from the mask the size of one of Howard's hands.

When Howard returned home from school one day, he was greeted by Awful holding the mask up to her face and making strange gurgling noises. Laughing, Howard sat by Quentin who was watching Awful with an amused smirk. Quentin's eyes went wide and, as Howard asked him what was the matter, he rushed off, saying, "That's just what I need for that story!"

Awful set the mask down on the kitchen table. She and Howard exchanged a grimace. "Darn, I gave Dad a new book idea."

"Yeah, nice going," Howard agreed. "Now he won't be normal for a month."

When Catriona walked into the kitchen half an hour later, Howard and Awful were playing rummy with a deck of old playing cards from the Everything-But drawer in the hall stand. "What –" began Catriona before she stopped, massaging her temple. "Oh," she began again. "New book?"

"Yep," muttered Awful.

"I won," Howard remarked with a grin, sitting down his winning hand of cards.

"Argh! Not fair! Mum distracted me!" Awful yowled.

"She did not," Howard insisted. "I won fair and square. Now let's play again."

"Shan't listen to you, you cheat!" hissed Awful.

"Howard, a cup of coffee please," interrupted Catriona.

Nodding, Howard stood up as Awful threw the cards at his back.

"Awful!" yelled Howard.

"_Quiet!_" roared Quentin from his study.

Both Awful and Howard's mouths snapped closed. Awful stomped away then and up to Howard's room. The sound of a box being dragged and emptied reached Howard's ears.

"_Awful! Don't touch those letters!_" he roared, running after her.

Catriona sighed, standing up to make her own cup of coffee.

"_Awful, I'm warning you_ –"

"_I'll rip it!_"

"_You little –_"

"AHHH!_ Mum! Howard hurt my arm!_"

"_She deserved it!_"

"_BOTH OF YOU, SHUT IT!_" Quentin hollered.

Catriona sat back down at the table, waiting for the coffee pot to fill. She let out another sigh as a crash came from upstairs.

Just another normal day.

* * *

A/N: This chapter gave me some problems towards the middle, but once I got over that hump, it wasn't so bad to write. I quite like it really.

A/N 2: Next Chapter: Skipping ahead a few years, another appearance from one of Howard/Venturus's siblings… But why has he/she returned?

A/N 3: REVIEW! Please? 'Til next time! Bye! -


	4. Danger Looming

**The Trials of Seven**

_By: ChocolateEclar_

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor am I receiving any profit from, the story this fanfic is based on. The Great Diana Wynne Jones has the pleasure of owning _Archer's Goon_.

Claimer: I simply own the plot and my personification of Archer, Shine, Dillian, Hathaway, Torquil, Erskine, and Venturus's parents, Matri and Agustivo Destinatus and their home planet, Caliga.

**To MaidM: **Can do. The last chapter was my favorite as well so far… Thanks again!

**_Chapter 4: Danger Looming_**

"_WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!_"

"_Argh_," grumbled a six-year-old Erskine, sitting up in bed so fast he banged his head on the headboard. He was already quite tall with a messy clump of fair hair atop his head.

"_What the…?_" yelped Torquil. He was holding his ears and squinting at the door.

"_AHHHHHHHHHH!_"

"Is that…?" mumbled Erskine.

Grunting, Torquil hissed, "_It's Venturus._" He cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted, "**_Mother! The baby!_**"

His mother was at their bedroom door by then, rubbing her eyes with her knuckles. "I'll make a bottle. You two be good big brothers and settle down Venturus," she sighed.

Torquil and Erskine each climbed out of their own beds and out their bedroom door. Erskine was as tall as the other and very solid. He was wearing a long stained gray tee shirt for pajamas, while Torquil was in wide, soft blue striped pants and a white tee shirt.

Shuffling miserably, Torquil was followed by Erskine into Venturus's room down the hall. The infant was wailing and thrashing about in his wooden crib. He was adorned in pale blue with a light layer of flaxen tresses atop his head.

"Come on, you, _stop crying!_" snapped Torquil.

"Only baby, Torquil," pointed out Erskine, peering through the bars at their little brother.

"_What do you know?_" retorted Torquil. Frowning, Torquil did pick up the screaming baby and pat his back though.

Venturus let out a little sigh and tugged on Torquil's ear. "Ow! _Ow!_ Leggo, you!" yelled Torquil as Erskine snickered.

"You laugh but you try to hold him," Torquil complained dramatically. He handed the baby to Erskine and chuckled as Erskine fumbled to get a more comfortable hold of Venturus.

Their mother appeared at the door then with a baby bottle. Venturus, who had been drooling on Erskine's shoulder, held out his chubby arms to Matri and gurgled. Matri sat down on a chair in the corner of the room and fed Venturus with the bottle. Torquil and Erskine sat at Matri's feet, sleepily leaning on each other.

In the morning, Agustivo found them all snoozing together. Erskine was sprawled out on the floor, and Torquil was leaning against the wall. Baby Venturus was curled up in his mother's arms, while she slept slumped in the chair.

Agustivo just smiled and left them be.

* * *

If ever Howard felt like he had one foot in the grave, it was when Phoebe Preston was near. It occurred a lot because they were at the same secondary school and passed each other in the halls frequently. It was an unsettling feeling that made the hair on the nape of his neck prickle. It wasn't an attraction either. That was something Howard was sure of. It was simply a…sense of foreboding. Yes, that was it.

Phoebe was as tall as he was, which was strange enough. Most people at the school were a bit shorter than him. She had a mop of wavy black tresses and clear cerulean eyes. After asking around, Howard discovered she was three years older than him and in her last year at the school. Rumor had it that she was going to attend Cambridge after she graduated.

_What is it about her that bothers me?_ Howard asked himself one day in October. He could see her in the far corner of the assembly hall showing off her new red purse. He looked away when the assembly began, but eyed her occasionally. It led several of his friends to tease him later about having a crush on the most popular girl in the school.

Howard ignored them and thought about Phoebe. He was still thinking about her when his friends left him for their homes, looking frightened, and he was alone. He looked up to see why they had gone and spotted Ginger Hind. He was sitting on a low brick wall in a grimy old brown leather jacket with his ginger hair bright against the faded red bricks. He peered levelly at Howard from his freckled face before saying with a grin, "Don't tell them I'm not in a gang anymore. I like watching them run."

"You haven't changed," said Howard with a shake of his head.

Ginger hopped off the wall and shrugged. "Not being in a gang is a big enough change for me. You been all right? I haven't see you in months."

"Yeah," Howard replied truthfully. "Just feeing a bit wonky lately is all."

"Yeah?" asked Ginger as they walked together to Howard's house. "Well, if you want, I was thinking about that spaceship and I was wondering if you'd like to come to my house tomorrow and plan one out together."

Howard's eyes widened in surprise. "Sure," he answered as they reached Upper Park Street. "Right after school?"

Nodding, Ginger stopped and turned to go. "I'll meet you in that same spot tomorrow, 'kay?"

"Okay," Howard said. They went their separate ways home and soon were out of sight of each other.

It wasn't long after reached his house that a booming knock rattled the front door. Awful arrived at the door first, opening it and peering around. "What are _you_ doing here?" she said, laughing, as Howard came up behind her. He pushed the door open and let his jaw drop.

"Nice to see you lot too," Erskine said with a slight smirk. He was in his old leather jacket, looking very sunburnt.

"Why are you…?" Howard mumbled, letting Erskine inside.

"Have a bit of a problem," Erskine replied.

"Who? Us or you?" questioned Howard.

"Both," grunted Erskine going into the kitchen and taking up the usual large amount of room at the kitchen table.

"Goody!" shouted Awful, skipping in a circle. "Goody! Problems!"

"Won't like it, Awful," Erskine claimed.

"Well, what is it?" asked Howard, sitting across from Erskine.

"Surprised you didn't feel it," Erskine said. "Everything's shifting for something. Didn't worry too much though until I got this." He handed Howard a letter written on shiny gray parchment. Howard unrolled it to see familiar slanted letters written in green ink. He glanced up with wide eyes at Erskine who said, "Gets worse. Surprised you didn't get one though. Hathaway and Torquil did."

"I can't read it," said Awful, pausing in her bouncing for a moment to peer over Howard's shoulder.

"Course not," said Erskine. "Not written in English."

Awful made a face and began to skip again. Howard frowned and started to read:

_Dear Erskine,_

_ It has been a long time since we have spoken. From now on you and the others will be monitored closely. We decided upon this after noticing what you, Hathaway, Torquil, and Venturus had done to Dillian, Archer, and Shine. If we deem it an unjust action on your parts and a violation of your exile, we will reverse it and bring Archer, Shine, and Dillian back to your place of exile, Earth._

"**_WHAT?_**" Howard yelped.

"Gets even worse," Erskine mumbled. "The lying…" Erskine continued to mutter a curse.

"Nice," said Awful appreciatively.

Howard read on:

_ Please do not take this as a threat or any act of ill will. We simply want what is best for all of you._

_ Your parents,_

_ Agustivo and Matri Destinatus _

_ Supreme Councilman and Councilwoman _

_ Of the High Union_

"Well," Howard murmured after rereading the letter, "it looks like we're in trouble."

"Parents will reverse the spaceship, Archer, Dillian, and Shine will come back, and we'll all have to live in the past with Hathaway or get our heads blown off," Erskine explained.

"Pretty much," agreed Howard. Shaking his head, he added, "_Haven't they done enough without killing us?_"

"Must've just gotten that promotion from High to Supreme recently to make them feel they can do something like this," Erskine grumbled.

"What are we gonna do?" asked Awful, still prancing around the room.

"Plan on discussing this with Torquil and Hathaway tonight at the cathedral if that's all right with you, Howard," Erskine stated,

"It should be," answered Howard.

"I want to come!" shouted Awful.

"Wizards only," teased Erskine with a grin.

"That's not fair!" hissed Awful.

Howard started to laugh but stopped abruptly as a thought struck him. "How are they watching us?"

* * *

A/N: Well, there you have it. Another chapter! Don't forget to review now!

A/N 2: Next chapter: The four younger siblings of the seven discuss the future in the cathedral. What will the future bring if the elder three return? Well, that's easy. It's just as Erskine said, "…we'll all have to live in the past with Hathaway or get our heads blown off."

Yep. That's pretty much it.

A/N 3: 'Til next time! Bye.


	5. Going Back

**The Trials of Seven**

_By: ChocolateEclar_

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor am I receiving any profit from, the story this fanfic is based on. The Great Diana Wynne Jones has the pleasure of owning _Archer's Goon_.

Claimer: I simply own the plot and my personification of Archer, Shine, Dillian, Hathaway, Torquil, Erskine, and Venturus's parents, Matri and Agustivo Destinatus, and their home planet, Caliga.

**To Kagome Sengoku: **That twist took quite awhile to be written properly. _(laughs)_ Thanks for reviewing! Time to find out what happens next…

**To ArtemisObscure:** You should definitely read Archer's Goon. It's excellent and full of DWJ's usual great twists. There's a huge twist at the end… Hehe. But I won't say. Reading this fanfic might've given it away though. Thanks for reviewing! I can understand why you got so lost. Read AG!

**_Chapter 5: Going Back_**

"What are you doing?" Erskine asked Venturus a year after they had been exiled to Earth.

"I'm finishing a small model of the spaceship I'm going to make someday," Venturus replied, holding a little slender model of a shiny blue color on the palm of his hand. He opened it up to display the little controls on the inside. "I just press this button here and…" The mini spaceship closed and launched out of his hands. Laughing, Venturus continued, "And it flies."

The model spaceship whizzed past Erskine's head and landed back down on the table. "I programmed it," Venturus explained proudly. "The real thing will have even more features. Stored gold bullion, red carpet on all sides, furnishings, et cetera."

"What do you think?" he asked Erskine, picking up the model and pressing it in between his palm so that it compacted into roughly the shape of a sardine can.

"Not bad. What you always wanted since you were little," said Erskine.

Venturus nodded as he slipped the mini spaceship into the pocket of his baggy denim coat. "Now what are you doing here?" he asked, peering levelly at his brother.

"Archer wants us," Erskine answered.

"For what?" Venturus casually asked.

"Don't know," replied Erskine, shrugging. They walked side-by-side, hands in their pockets.

Venturus shifted his head to glower at Erskine. "You just let him push you around. What if he wants us to deal with Shine and Dillian's quarrelling over robbing and protecting his banks again? You remember that, don't you? Shine almost shot me, and you were tricked by Dillian to stay too long to help me!"

"Dillian doesn't like you much."

"No? Really? Sometimes I wonder about that brain of yours, Erskine…"

* * *

"Now," proclaimed Torquil in the present, waving his crozier about, "the meeting of the Younger Four shall come to order." To Howard's amusement, Torquil was adorned in a long-sleeved navy blue Japanese _kimono_.

Erskine, Torquil, and Howard were crammed around the cupboard in the vestry of the cathedral where Hathaway could be seen in his study. "You know," Torquil continued, "we need a proper name."

"We've always been the Younger Four whenever Archer, Dillian, and Shine weren't around," pointed out Hathaway amusedly. "With them, we were, of course, The Seven."

"Get on with it," grumbled Erskine, His sunburnt nose and neck were peeling, giving him a smarting pain.

Howard nodded. Awful had wanted to see Hathaway so badly she had tried to convince them to take her by being good. When that didn't work, she became violently sick over the kitchen floor to spite them. Quentin made her help them clean it up when he arrived home from the Poly, and, in the end, Awful didn't want to go.

"Well," Hathaway said. "We all know the facts. Now, we need to decide what to do about this."

"Do you think our parents are watching us themselves though?" asked Howard.

"It's unlikely," agreed Torquil. "They must have someone doing it. Perhaps someone else's exiled child?"

"Hmm," mumbled Hathaway thoughtfully. There came a knock on the door of his study, so he said, "One moment," and disappeared from view.

Howard could hear Hathaway talking with Anne in the heavy accent of the past that Howard couldn't understand. Hathaway reappeared in a few moments though with a slight smile. "My William seems to have gotten his head stuck in between the railing of a staircase," he explained with a laugh.

"Didn't you do that once?" Torquil asked Erskine.

"Couldn't've. Head too big," pointed out Erskine. "Was Venturus."

"Of course," Torquil said, grinning. He sobered immediately though and grumbled, "Back to business, gentlemen. What are we going to do?"

"We could try looking for the person whose watching us," remarked Howard.

"Yes, let's look for every suspicious person in this town," mocked Torquil sardonically.

"It's better than sitting here and waiting," said Howard.

"I –" began Torquil.

"Enough," snapped Erskine. "Need to act as normal as possible. If we don't, Archer, Dillian, and Shine are going to fry us."

Sighing, Hathaway said, "You know you're welcome here if things go amiss."

Torquil nodded wearily, running a hand through his hair. Howard rested his chin on his knuckle, pondering. If they failed, the Sykes would have to come with them to the past too or Archer, Shine, and Dillian would be after them as well.

Or they could make a plea with their parents on Caliga?

"That would really go against our exile," muttered Torquil.

"Not if you three didn't go," Howard pointed out.

"What?" Erskine asked.

"I get it!" Hathaway exclaimed. "Howard and the Sykes could go!"

"But they'll know Howard's Venturus," Erskine said.

"Not unless the limpet makes it obvious," said Torquil, banging his crozier on the cupboard enthusiastically.

"Might have defenses against that deception," Erskine noted.

"Might not," stated Hathaway with a smile.

"They would have to state our case before the High Union," Torquil realized.

"Do you think you can do that, Howard?" Hathaway asked earnestly. He was leaning towards them on his desk so that his nose was nearly pressed to the window in the wall.

"We will help you, of course, dear limpet," Torquil added grandly.

"Do it, Howard?" asked Erskine.

Sighing, Howard nodded. "I have to. It's the only chance we have."

As a result, as the other three packed, Awful was seen bouncing around the house on Upper Park Street the following day. Torquil and Erskine were in the kitchen meanwhile; the former was sipping tea anxiously, while the latter picked at his fingernails with his knife.

When Awful accidentally knocked a plastic picture frame off the piano in the living room, it landed on the keys with a _clang!_ Torquil jumped, spilling half his cup of tea on his King Arthur get-up. He dabbed at the chain mail with a napkin, while rearranging the gold crown on his head.

Howard was in his bedroom, collecting anything he thought they might need – pencil and a notepad to keep him amused in the calm moments, a book on spaceships, his toothbrush and toothpaste, clothes…

Howard had to sit on his suitcase to shut it and clamp the latches down. He then dragged it out of his room and down the stairs. With each thump on every other step, Torquil tipped out more tea, until he was mopping it off the table. "This place is stifling me!" he announced dramatically. Erskine gave him a dry look and returned to his fingernails.

* * *

"Now," said Quentin an hour later, "I have prepared a speech. Tell me what you alien wizards and women think."

All but Quentin sat at the kitchen table. Quentin stood beside them. He took a deep breath and began, "Mr. Supreme Councilman, Madam Supreme Councilwoman, Council, we have come from Earth as representatives of the exiled there. We must reassure you that the removal of Archer, Shine, and Dillian was better for the planet and it's inhabitants…"

_Not bad_, thought Howard towards the end of the speech. It had been a good idea to have Quentin write what they would say. He knew about people. Hopefully, it would be enough.

"Well done, Mr. Sykes," called a voice from the plughole of the sink.

"_Hathaway!_" shrieked Awful, hopping to her feet and leaning over the opening.

"Argh. Good to hear you too, little madam," came Hathaway's voice. "Are all of you ready?"

"As ready as we'll ever be," replied Howard.

"Good luck to all of you tomorrow," Hathaway said.

"I think I may go mad with the wait for you all to return," grumbled Torquil.

"Hear the whole thing through Howard though," Erskine pointed out. Torquil groaned in response.

"Will they kill us if they find out Howard is Venturus?" Awful queried, grinning.

"_Awful_," groaned Catriona.

Torquil looked up at Awful with a strange mixture of amusement and disgust. "My dear girl, must you be so morbid?"

"Just asking. Answer my question," insisted Awful.

It was Howard who responded. "No. They'll send us back and vote in Archer, Dillian, and Shine's favor."

"Then, we'll die if those three return," grumbled Torquil. "Cheery thoughts, anyone?"

* * *

A/N: I know the wait was long and this chapter is a bit short, but I thought that would be the best place to end this chapter. Please review! Bye.


	6. Another

**The Trials of Seven**

_By: ChocolateEclar_

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor am I receiving any profit from, the story this fanfic is based on. The Great Diana Wynne Jones has the pleasure of owning _Archer's Goon_.

Claimer: I simply own the plot and my personification of Archer, Shine, Dillian, Hathaway, Torquil, Erskine, and Venturus's parents, Matri and Agustivo Destinatus, and their home planet, Caliga.

**To Khilari:** Sorry, but your quibble is incorrect. _(laughs)_ In Archer's Goon, Catriona drinks coffee when she comes home from work all the time to combat her headache. (Coffee has caffeine in it, which helps the pain of headaches diminish slightly. I get headaches myself, so I drink soda with caffeine. It keeps the pain at bay sometimes.) I don't think anyone else was drinking coffee in any of my chapters, so that should be all right.

Thanks so much for the review. I'm glad everyone's in character so far.

**To Kagome Sengoku:** Oh, I want to go see Spiderman 2! _(laughs)_ So it was really good? Thanks for reviewing!

**_Chapter 6: Another_**

_Why did _she_ have to be born?_ grumbled a young Archer. He was a lanky little boy with dark hair and very blue eyes. In the crib his mother was cooing into, was a plump little baby with little wisps of ebony hair. _Shine_.

Turning away sullenly, Archer left the room to sit on the top of the staircase. "_Why couldn't it have been a boy?_" he asked aloud. "_No_ new baby would be even better!" Sulking for awhile, Archer thought about what it would be like to have brothers. Someone he could talk to about how things worked would be nice. He didn't want some ugly infant winning over his parents.

It was worse when Dillian was born. "Two sisters!" he shrieked, pulling at his hair. And this one was pretty, gaining far more attention than Shine had. Dillian was fair and delicate-looking with a slightly cunning edge. Archer had no idea how she kept tricking him into playing tea party with her, but it wasn't as annoying as Shine and her punches and kicks. "Look what I learned how to do!" she would say…right before she lashed out.

Yes, he wished for brothers!

When he received a brother though, he found Hathaway was no better at standing up to Shine and Dillian than him in his opinion. Hathaway would just stay very calm, so that the girls would become bored with him and leave him be.

Much later, Torquil was born. Instead of letting himself get teased or picked on, he would become enraged like Archer. But that didn't work well either. Shine was stronger and Dillian was shrewder.

No one dared pick on Erskine when he was born and big enough though. He towered over all the rest and was very solidly built. Archer came to decide to use Erskine to his advantage. He made sure Erskine was always willing to help him deal with the others.

It was different with the last though. Venturus wasn't so easily pushed around. He would complain if you tried to make him do anything…even if it was for his own good. Not to mention, he was always trying to surpass the rest of them. It had to be bigger and better or it wasn't right.

After awhile, Archer decided he'd like to take back his wish. He could handle two sisters. Four brothers were just too hard to cope with.

* * *

"The fools," hissed a scout from the High Union, watching the Sykes, Ginger Hind, Torquil, and Erskine gathered around the backyard of 10 Upper Park Street. She was perched behind the chimney of the house next door. "They think the High Union will listen to _them_? They won't pay attention to a bunch of Earthlings speaking for exiles."

"How long are you going to be gone?" Ginger could be heard asking Howard.

"Depends," Howard replied. "Atleast a week. Awful and I don't have to worry about school."

"Because you farm it?" Ginger asked.

"Yeah," admitted Howard. "I hate doing it though."

"_He's going with?_" gasped the scout named Phobein. Some of her dark hair escaped the bun on her head as the wind whipped it. "_He can't!_" The last sentence was spoken too loud.

Torquil vanished from the garden with a wave of his crozier. The next thing, Phobein knew, a man wearing a white toga and gold sandals had grabbed her wrists from behind. Torquil reappeared in the backyard…Phobein in tow.

"_Release me!_" she hissed, lashing out at Torquil.

"Phoebe Preston?" said Ginger astonishedly.

"_My name is Phobein!_" hollered the struggling girl.

"Our little mole from Mother and Father," announced Torquil.

"Wait a minute," said Erskine suddenly. "What's your real last name? Not Preston."

"_Destinatus!_" riposted Phobein.

"_What?_" yelled Howard.

"Thought so," remarked Erskine. "Looks too much like Torquil. Eyes like Archer though."

Sure enough, Howard noticed how Torquil's short, dark curls were like Phobein's long ones and how very clear her blue eyes were.

"An eighth alien wizard?" groaned Quentin.

"_I am no sibling of yours, you exiles!_" shrieked Phobein.

"Sure you aren't," indulged Erskine.

"_You were all disowned!_" Phobein yelled.

"I should've known," commented Howard.

"Known what?" asked Ginger.

"She was at the same school as me," Howard explained. "I always felt strange around her."

"It's because I am stronger than you in power!" snapped Phobein.

"Naturally," Torquil said. "As of right now anyway. Howard has been a baby three times now. He's not as old as you. How old are you anyway?"

"_Get stuffed, you toffee-nosed git!_" yelled Phobein.

"Well," said Torquil, "what are we going to do with her?"

"Can't let her go. She'd tell Mother and Father about Howard," Erskine stated.

"I'll stay and help watch her!" offered Awful.

"No," yelped Torquil. "I'm not getting stuck with you! One annoying female is enough."

"You'd have to go to school if you stayed anyway," said Howard with a smirk.

"Hey," grumbled Awful. "That isn't fair."

"Be good, Awful," said Catriona. Awful crossed her arms irritably, but she stayed silent.

* * *

"Is everything ready?" Quentin asked a few minutes later. The luggage was stacked between Catriona and him while Awful and Howard stood opposite them to complete a square shape.

Erskine had Phobein clasped by her elbows, hanging a foot off the ground. She was sulking a bit. Torquil stretched his neck to get the chinks out. "You ready to complete the journey once Erskine and I let go, Howard?" he asked.

"I think so," Howard said.

"You had best be sure or you'll find yourself on a planet with no oxygen," threatened Torquil, clunking Howard on the head with his crozier.

Howard nodded, massaging his sore skull. Erskine handed Phobein to Ginger, who clasped onto her tightly. Then, Erskine stepped next to Torquil. Torquil stretched out the hand with the crozier in it, and Erskine placed his hands on his own hips.

"Good luck," whispered Erskine to Howard as he and Torquil began to send them through space.

For a moment, Howard felt as if he had only become weightless, then the backyard and the struggling Phobein were gone and he was rushing with Quentin, Catriona, and Awful past the planets and then the stars. Awful was laughing delightedly while Quentin was gripping his bowler hat to his head and Catriona was worriedly holding onto the three suitcases.

"Howard!" came Torquil's voice.

"Yeah!" yelled Howard.

"Ready? We can't hold it too much farther away," Torquil shouted.

Howard dug his heels into the strange floating square shape they were anchored on and concentrated on Caliga. "I'm ready!" he called out after a moment.

"Good," panted Erskine's voice.

"Keep in touch," Torquil added faintly. And then they were gone.

Howard felt a tug in his chest and for a second it seemed as if he didn't have a good grip over their transportation. Then, they were whizzing past stars again.

"I should write a book about this," commented Quentin.

They all cried out when a planet larger than Earth with a faint white sheen came into view and they went zooming straight at it.

* * *

"Home sweet home," mumbled Torquil dryly as Erskine, Ginger, Phobein, and him all crowded around the cupboard in the cathedral vestry. Hathaway's image was on half of the window while whatever Howard saw could be seen on the other half. At the moment, they all could see the huge white globe.

Phobein, who was being held firmly by Erskine, grumbled something like, "I hope they burn up in the atmosphere."

"You forget Howard's the seventh child. It makes him stronger than you and the rest of us," Torquil said.

"When this is all over, what are we going to do with _this_ little madam?" asked Hathaway. "We can't return her to Caliga. She'll tell and everything will be for naught."

"Good point," Erskine agreed.

"We'll have to think about that later," said Torquil, smirking nastily at Phobein.

Phobein scowled back at him and said, "I'm not an exile."

"Not at the moment anyway," Hathaway said, smiling. "She reminds me of Shine with a bit of Archer's temper. What do you guys think?"

"Yes, and Venturus's old superiority complex," said Torquil.

"Oh, stop talking about me as if I'm not here!" hissed Phobein.

"Wouldn't dream of it," said Erskine with a sarcastic grin.

"You never told us how old you are," pointed out Torquil.

"Oh, clear off!" shrieked Phobein.

"Age, please," Torquil said.

"I'm seventy three," snapped Phobein.

"Oh, she's still young," remarked Torquil, laughing. "Now that you've amused us for the moment, please be silent, dear little sister." Phobein pursed her lips, but complied.

* * *

"_Can't this landing be smoother, Howard?_" yelled Quentin over the roaring of the wind whipping at them as they dived through the clouds.

"_I'm trying!_" Howard shouted back.

It was then that they all came crashing into trees. One suitcase came open as the other two crashed to the ground far below. One of Quentin's ties flew out and hit Awful as she tried to cling to a tree branch, while Howard was bombarded with socks and underwear as he gripped a tree branch with his arms and legs. Catriona had to duck to keep out of the way of the open suitcase itself, as Quentin crashed _into_ all the boughs and landed on top of the luggage below. He groaned and rubbed the back of his head.

"Nice job with the landing, Howard," grumbled Awful sardonically.

Howard just shook his head and wheezed. He felt too weary to move – let alone clamber down from a tree. Catriona was trying to climb down already, carefully climbing down to where Awful was and assisting her. "Quentin!" Catriona shouted. "Are you all right?"

Quentin looked up at her and shouted back, "If feeling like your ribs have just been cracked crashing through tree branches and luggage, then I'm all right!"

When Catriona and Awful were safely on the ground, helping Quentin to his feet, Awful hollered up to Howard. "_Can't you get down, Howard?_"

Howard's vision was bleary, but he managed to look at Awful and reply, "Not yet. That took too much out of me."

"Do you need help?" asked Catriona.

"No," muttered Howard, picking up his head. "Just wait a few minutes."

It took over half an hour for Howard to build up the strength to climb down the tree. Torquil and Erskine had carried them almost three-quarters of the journey, he couldn't imagine how weary they must be.

* * *

"Poor boy, we weren't taking journeys light-years away when we were that young," Hathaway commented.

"He'll bounce back. It comes of being the seventh," said Torquil with his eyes half-lidded.

Ginger checked his watch. "I gotta go. I'll be back tomorrow though."

"Bye," said Erskine and Hathaway. Torquil just waved Ginger off, and Phobein grumbled an expletive.

"Here come the High Union Troops to see what the commotion is!" shouted Torquil excitedly after Ginger had gone.

Sure enough, on the Howard half of the screen, a group of two-dozen men and women appeared in the forest. They were in cerulean suits with gold armbands and black helmets with visors that hid their faces.

Behind them were two figures that made Howard squirm. In their golden cylinder-like headdresses with three red jewels in the center and blue suits underneath golden sashes, were Matri and Agustivo Destinatus.

On Earth, Hathaway, Erskine, Torquil, and even Phobein went very pale at the sight. Catriona, who had been collecting all the clothes that had flown out of the open suitcase, froze and held Awful's hand. Quentin flattened out his black bowler hat and said, "Hello. My name is Quentin Sykes. This is my family. You see, we were –"

"_Silence_," hissed Matri. "We know you are from the Expatriation Planet."

"Oh, well, then you know why we've come," said Quentin, unfazed.

"We do," answered Agustivo.

"And it's _Earth_," added Quentin.

Agustivo ignored him and turned to a female High Union officer with two armbands instead of one and said, "Round them up and bring them to the Council room."

"Yes, sir," said the woman. Then, she rounded on her troop and shouted, "You heard him! Round the Earthlings up!"

* * *

"Think they'll listen to the Sykes?" Erskine asked, keeping his grip on Phobein.

Hathaway let out a long breath, "Let us hope."

Torquil nodded wearily. "Yes, let us hope. Otherwise, we'll have to live in your time without indoor plumping and electricity… Atleast then we'll be rid of this nuisance." He pointed his crozier at Phobein, who scowled.

"You'll get what's owed you soon enough," hissed Phobein.

"Oh yeah?" asked Erskine.

"Yes," said Phobein firmly. She did look slightly intimated by Erskine though. Torquil laughed at the rigid yet cautious expression on her face.

* * *

A/N: Well, that didn't take much time to write, and it was longer! I was on a roll. Please review!

A/N 2: If you're wondering, I think Phobein means "put to flight" or "frighten," which is kind of the opposite of the name she used to spy on Howard, Phoebe, which can mean "light," "pure," or "radiant."

A/N 3: I'm thinking of writing a story where every chapter is in a different POV of the seven. What do you think? Bye.


End file.
